Category Archives: life

Spring Cleaning the soul!

Mother Earth Spring Cleaning! By KMH

The delicate green of new life will not be denied; the growth is going to happen no matter what… life will not be stopped!

Success isn’t a result of spontaneous combustion.  You must set yourself on fire.  ~Arnold H. Glasow

This all relates to coaching in that often times we are so focused on the future and achieving those important goals that we forget about our present situation and the importance of keeping it in good shape; be it our mind, body, home, environment or finances.  We can only do what our present moment allows, and making smart choices in the present that will effect how our future unfolds.

The important thing is to strive towards a goal, which is not immediately visible.  That goal is not the concern of the mind, but of the spirit.
~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Take a look around at your world it is up to you to make it a rich and supportive place to act from.

Go through the closets, the clothes, and the drawers – what doesn’t fit anymore, or is old, getting raggedy, isn’t you?

Go through the medicine cabinets, what’s expired, dried up or empty?

Go through the refrigerator, what’s growing of it’s own accord, old, sticky or stale?

Go through your checkbook, the saving accounts, and the 5-year plan; what need your attention, a change of perspective, and influx of life?

Go through the garage, and the attic or basement; what’s taking up space that you don’t need, care about or want. Are there things you can donate, give to a friend, or sell on e-bay?

Go through your yard and the garden, what needs new soil, to be weeded, or to be planted anew?

“I think that no matter how old or infirm I may become, I will always plant a large garden in the spring.  Who can resist the feelings of hope and joy that one gets from participating in nature’s rebirth?”
~Edward Giobb

Go through your wishes and dreams and plans and goals, what have you not been paying attention to, feeding or opening your heart to?

QUESTION:
What can you clean out to make room for more of you?

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Blooming!!

Lilacs in Bloom By KMH

April is dedicated to beginnings.

“No matter how long the winter, spring is sure to follow.”
~Proverb

Even though the Spring Equinox is in March, a least where I am, it does not start to feel like spring until May.  Now is when a real sense of coming to life and blooming starts to happen!

When the weather is warming up and the winter layers are coming off our thoughts turn to the world outside – spending time outside, how we look outside, projects on our homes, in our yards. We become more social, more active, and more outward.

The term spring-cleaning relates to not just our home, but also our attitudes, our plans for the future and our outlook on life.  As our life unfolds our vision of the future shifts and changes and it is important to take the time to clear away what is outdated, out grown or simply no use to us anymore.

Here are a few reasons this is so important:

  • The process makes room for more appropriate things in our life, be it an object or opportunities.
  • Feels good
  • Strengthens your resolve to keep achieving important goals and to be mindful of what you have and are grateful for
  • Keeps your “house in order”
  • Reveals issues or potential issues before they’re problems

I am one of the few that really enjoys cleaning and organizing; and I realize that most people do not relish this process, but keep in mind that even though it is most often physical and hard work – you cannot deny how good it feels to have your world clean, organized and ready for new and amazing opportunities.

“Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.”
~Doug Larson

QUESTION OF THE WEEK:
What needs to be done to make room for the new in your life?
What can be cleaned up?

Trust like only the fool can…

Trusting By J. Goeller

How to trust as only The Fool can…

Deep abiding trust in yourself is essential for living a fulfilled life. So how does one trust? Well, it takes time. Trusting yourself is a relationship that you have to build, support, and nurture.

Trusting yourself means that you take actions, think thoughts and speak words that are in alignment with your values and needs.  And trust that what you want no matter how outside the realm of your imagination – it is achievable.

By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it.
The non-existence is whatever we have not sufficiently desired.
Nikos Kazantzakis – Poet, travel writer – Author of “Zorba the Greek”

Often times we do seemingly inconsequential things that serve to damage our trust in ourselves. For instance, how often do you tell yourself you’re going to do something and you don’t? How often do you make yourself a promise and then blow it off? These actions though they seem harmless build the expectation that you don’t follow through on your word. So when it becomes important to have this strength, you don’t.

Eighty percent of success is just showing up.
Woody Allen

So when you are making an agreement with yourself or to another person, slow down, consider what you are agreeing to and above all check out if you can truly agree to it. If you can’t and you know it – don’t; and if you can – then do your best to make sure you follow through on your agreement. This builds trust with yourself and others.

Another way to build trust with yourself is to get clear! Clarity about what you truly want usually makes most decisions fall into two categories, actions that help you get there and actions that don’t.

The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being
can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind.
William James – late 1800’s pioneering American psychologist and philosopher

QUESTIONS OF THE WEEK:
In what way can you build more trust in yourself? Are you aware when you make agreements?

Somewhere over the Rainbow!

Beautiful! by KMH

Last week being St Patty’s day brought to mind all of the other images that go along with the luck of the Irish. Pot’s of gold, rainbows and leprechauns. The gold and rainbows especially brought to mind the parallels to searching for your purpose, goal or calling in life.

Rainbows are elusive and fleeting, we can see them under certain circumstances and as those circumstances change it vanishes. Two people do not see the same rainbow and we can only see it with our backs to the sun. And the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow as you learn the reality of what a rainbow is becomes something one can never get to let alone possess.

“The appearances of things change according to the emotions, and thus we see magic and beauty in them, while the magic and beauty are really in ourselves.”  Kahlil Gibran

On a symbolic level I find this an interesting and meaningful metaphor in coaching. We set our goals; intuit our purpose or calling and then the path there seems to vanish under certain circumstances. Only when we turn our backs to the sun – symbolically embracing our shadow -does the rainbow appear bright and tangible. The gold for which we long is our own transformation or alchemical change into the valued treasure we are.

“Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.” The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

Embracing your shadow is to accept and acknowledge your shortcomings and self perceived negative attributes, something I keep mentioning. Doing this makes you more compassionate towards yourself and others. It makes you aware of your own complexity and your humanity.

“I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly,
acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.”
Agatha Christie

So harking back to last week’s comments about setting a goal and then letting go of how you get there, give it a try this week. Start simple. Tell yourself what you want to accomplish and let yourself be open to how to get there, do things you don’t normally do, make a point to think outside your box.

“Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.”  Dale E. Turner

 

Love is in the Air!

What lies behind us and what lies before us
are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

by KMH

You are amazing!!

Do you want to meet the love of your life? Look in the mirror.
~Byron Katie

Every person in your life could tell you how amazing you are – everyday, but it won’t matter if you don’t feel that way about yourself.

People are like stained-glass windows.  They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.
~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Be your own light! Just like when you are falling in love with someone think of all the things that make you smile… about yourself. What are you proud of? What have you accomplished in your life that you worked hard for? What are qualities about yourself that you really like? What do you like, what movies, books, music, colors, seasons, foods, cities, activities…. The list goes on and on.

You are an interesting person, you have layers and complexities and a personal history that is unique and amazing. The thing is is that love of others and yourself has to be rekindled and kept fresh. Without exploring new things one gets board, this is human nature.

“Love doesn’t just sit there, like stone; it has to be made, like bread,
remade all the time, made new.
~Ursula K. Le Guin

Here is the hard part about the loving yourself…you have to love all of you including the parts that you are embarrassed by, ashamed of and terrified about. You do this for others, it’s what true friends are, people who care about and accept all of you. They stick out with you when you’re at your worst, they take care of you when you’re sick or down and they tell you they love you when you feel at your most unlovable. Why? Because they care about you and the depth of your friendship offers them something valuable that all of the other stuff is worth dealing with.

BE THIS TO YOURSELF. You are worth it.  Most of the time we judge ourselves by much harsher standards than anyone else, be forgiving, no one is perfect. I read a great statement on the refrigerator of one of my clients:

“I admit that I made a mistake.
I ask that all effects of that mistake be undone for all time.”
Anonymous

We ALL live sloppy, hard, challenging lives, and ALWAYS will mixed in with all the good stuff. A great life is not and will never be without its mistakes and mess-ups…accept it. The sooner you do the sooner you will have taken unnecessary pressure off yourself.

We also tend to compare ourselves to people around us whom we think are better than us. There will always be people who excel at things we want to be great at as well as people whom we do better then. Comparison only leads to disappointment.

It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes.
~Sally Field

You deserve to have peace of mind, a heart full of love and a bright future. We all do. And we will get it by embarking on this journey of loving ourselves and therefore loving others.  Use the process to build compassion, forgiveness and open-mindedness. In a time fraught with turbulence, violence and uncertainty be a rock for yourself, you will inspire others to do the same.

“It is a given of life that nothing is permanently and finally satisfying. Despite this fact, many of us believe that somewhere there is a person that will be permanently satisfying. With mindfulness we find a pleasing balance between surrendering to the given of the fundamental un-satisfactoriness of life while at the same time maximizing our opportunity for contentment.”
~David Richo – Author of How to be an Adult in Relationship

 

QUESTION OF THE WEEK:
How can you create a love affair with yourself?

 

LOVE…yourself!!!

Temple of Athena, Greece by Kelly M. Hill

As a tribute to Valentine’s Day this month I am going to blog about love –  that is loving yourself.  Without this core state of being regarding yourself – attaining your wildest dreams is….impossible!

Much like the statue above, we must be our strongest support.

We have all heard at one point or another that we cannot love another without first loving ourselves. But what does that mean? My own journey to loving myself has started with what I consider the hardest step – accepting myself.

“The certain test of sanity is if you can accept life whole, as it is.”
Lao-Tzu

What does this have to do with coaching? Let’s go back to one main focus of coaching – turning potential into achievement. Loving yourself and knowing what you want and feel you deserve out of life are directly related to what you want to and can achieve. And as you accept yourself more fully and get honest with your needs your vision of the best possible life becomes clearer and more fully in your grasp.

How you feel about yourself is ultimately reflected back to you in every part of your life; other relationships, career, self image, friends, opportunities… everything.

For many of us it can be very painful and frightening to really look at ourselves, our beliefs about life and love.  It is hard to accept what we see and to realize that we may need to change and unlearn some things; because they don’t really serve us in a positive way. After so many years of certain kinds of behavior the prospect of change and growth can be terrifying. I know it has been for me.

Notice the difference between what happens when a man says to himself “I have failed three times,” and what happens when he says, “I am a failure.”
S.I. Hayakawa – United States Senator 1977 – 1983 Psychologist and semanticist

You can do ANYTHING you put your heart and mind to. There are millions and millions of stories of people over-coming and changing and accomplishing things at all ages and abilities. Most of these stories start with a person who loves themselves and believes that they CAN achieve what they most want and cherish. Saying you can do anything does not mean you can fly without wings; it means that if you are sincere in your efforts to accomplish something you truly desire and you have a plan to do it… you can and will.

“The truth is, we all do the best we can do until we are stronger, wiser, willing and ready to do better.”
Iyanla Vanzant author of In the Meantime

Each of us is unique by definition: no one else has lived our lives, experienced our challenges and adventures or was raised in our situations – therefore we are uniquely suited to achieve the life we want with our hearts. Although unique means one-of-a-kind I think of it like snowflakes – they all look pretty similar yet there are still no two alike.

“Our work then is to become the healthiest possible version of who we uniquely are.”
David Richo – Author of How to be an Adult in Relationship

Who is the healthiest possible version of you? Let’s put that into context with our categories of life we discussed earlier; fun and recreation, career, health, money, physical environment, family, friends, significant other, growth and development. Picture yourself in these categories and what you’d look like functioning at your best. Most of us have a “how it is supposed to look” going on, and every thought, intention and action is aligned to get us to that. BUT where are you right now? Can you see your fears and fantasies and expose the truth of where you are?

This week I encourage you to examine and explore the beliefs you hold about yourself, where you are, are “supposed to be” and how you show yourself love.

Show yourself love every day. Look yourself in the eye in the mirror and tell yourself that you love yourself. Do not waiver in that love and take inspiration from this wonderful poem!

Invictus – By William Ernest Henley, Poet

Out of the night that covers me,
black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
for my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeoning of chance
my head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
looms but the Horror of the shade,
and yet the menace of the years
finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
how charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

QUESTION OF THE WEEK:

What is the healthiest version of you?

You deserve fulfillment!!

Sunrise in Hua HIn Thailand

“If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll end up somewhere else.”
– Anonymous

If you don’t have a clear picture of what you are working towards, chances are you won’t get there. Here is a way to start, consider the following categories (in no particular order): Fun and recreation, career, health, money, physical environment, family, friends, significant other, growth and development. Do you feel great about all of them, are there ones that need some attention, have you forgotten what some of them are? As a coach I ask that my clients get very clear about ALL of these categories because it allows you to have a clear and detailed picture of your life right now, and where you want it to go; the first steps of your map. Although you may have certain categories that you’d like to focus on or that seem more urgent – they are all important when it comes to your over-all quality of life and ability to be fulfilled.

“What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?”
Robert Schuller – Pastor

This is a chance to dream big AND to live big! As you contemplate and really think about these categories you should be thinking not about what you would settle for but what you’d like life to look like if money and time were of no concern. Doing this gets you out of the limits we normally set on ourselves.

Get detailed, very detailed, the more detail the better. Not just that you’d like to go back to school and become a teacher but that you’d like to teach Contemporary History at Santa Fe high to seniors. Not that you’d like to lose 15 – 150 pounds, but that you’d like to feel better walking up the stairs, fit into your favorite red dress and eat without thinking about it ending up on your thighs.

The details give you direction and motivation and clues to building a plan to reach your goals, to be fulfilled. This is just one tool; but it’s a fun one! Think big, take your time, and let yourself sit with each category for a few hours, days – a week. Then write it down.

While you are thinking about all of this – be aware of the voice that tells you to not be ridiculous, that you don’t deserve that or that you are crazy for ever thinking that. This voice is something we all hear and have to deal with. Don’t worry about it. Just keep dreaming big and aiming high, we’ll get to that voice later.

In the meantime I’d like to share one of my favorite poems; I hope you find it as inspiring as I do.

The Journey – by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice –
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt and old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations –
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice,
which you slowly
recognized as your own
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do –
determined to save
the only life you could save.

QUESTION FOR THE WEEK:
Are you ready to have the life you want? Are you starting to see a clear picture of it?