Emergence by KMH
We have to learn to be our own best friends because
we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.
~Roderick Thorp, Rainbow Drive
My premise for writing about building a love affair with yourself is to help you discover and practice unconditional love. Loving yourself or anyone else is not a singular act. You don’t love yourself or another and never practice that love. It is a state of being in which you see yourself fully – all the things you love about yourself and your shortcomings – and choose to be forgiving and kind and committed to doing your best everyday – every moment.
The things we hate about ourselves
aren’t more real than things we like about ourselves.
OK… on with the wheel!
Health: How is your health? This one can be hard to look at because, well, it relates directly to our mortality. Without a baseline of general health it is difficult to focus on anything else. Even if you are a healthy person; health is something to be maintained, and like everything else is an ongoing work in progress. What are you doing to get back in shape or maintain your health? Is there anything you are avoiding taking care of? What do you consider healthy? Taking care of yourself can be a hard habit to get into but it is absolutely worth your time and energy.
Recently I saw on a health show a woman talking about ways to motivate yourself to exercise; she had an idea I really liked. She suggested downloading books you really want to read on an iPod (or CD) and only listening to it when you work out. This motivates you to keep working out if you want to hear more of the story.
Money: Money issues can be just as hard to look at as health issues; in fact they are pretty closely linked considering the stress financial issues can create. How do you think about money? How do you manage money? Do you save money? Do you feel you deserve money? If you won the lottery, what would you do with it?
Many times have I fantasized about winning the lottery!! But here’s the thing, I know that I will do all the things I want to whether I win the lottery or not. I use it as a tool to dream big and think about all the things I would do. But I also look at my life, my future and my needs seriously and put a plan together that is responsible, sensible, and long term.
Physical environment: Does your physical environment provide the basic needs? Do you have a place a place for quite, for creativity for work and to concentrate? Does it reflect your personality? Do you feel safe? Our physical environments often reflect us, and on the flip side our environment can help to bring out particular characteristics. Physical environments include your home, city, state and car. Look around at your environment, anything need a cleaning, remake or to go to Goodwill?
For example as a little girl I loved the paint chips at the paint store!! I loved collecting all the fantastic colors; it was so amazing to see them all together. I had no idea what I would do with them, and it didn’t matter because having them and seeing them made me very happy! As an adult I find it very satisfying to decorate my house and to create different environments with color.
Family: Some people have a family that is supportive others have a family that they would like to be as far away form as possible. But either way your family is where you come from. No matter how great or bad family life is – or was – we all have roots that we are recovering from. We all grew up with values that we learned, behaviors that we emulate and as adults we learn which values are truly important to us and worth keeping and which ones we outgrow for values that are more in alignment with our lives. What are the values you learned? What values are still important to you? Which belief systems have you out grown? Which beliefs do you still need to evaluate closer?
It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.
Significant Other: Since this category is very important but not focused totally on you let’s use it to list the things that you really love about your relationship.
This may all sound like too much work, an exhausting endeavor. But the love you build begins to fill your life with more; more energy, more compassion, more patience and more love. Maybe you have experienced moments of this, when everything seems to be in place, just right and easy. Jung calls it serendipity. I love this feeling and I had to come to the realization that more often than not I experience it in moments and waves not as a permanent state of being – which I would guess is what is called enlightenment.
When you begin to see the cycles of life it takes tremendous pressure off of you to meet some impossible task of being perfect. BE PATIENT, see that just because you have a powerful insight and make positive change does not mean you won’t revisit hard places.
Going through these nine categories can often bring up difficult feelings, judgments and old issues you thought were gone. Give yourself the permission to feel whatever comes up; and let it go.
Never dull your shine for somebody else.