Category Archives: Fulfillment


Lilacs in Bloom By KMH

April is dedicated to beginnings.

“No matter how long the winter, spring is sure to follow.”

Even though the Spring Equinox is in March, a least where I am, it does not start to feel like spring until May.  Now is when a real sense of coming to life and blooming starts to happen!

When the weather is warming up and the winter layers are coming off our thoughts turn to the world outside – spending time outside, how we look outside, projects on our homes, in our yards. We become more social, more active, and more outward.

The term spring-cleaning relates to not just our home, but also our attitudes, our plans for the future and our outlook on life.  As our life unfolds our vision of the future shifts and changes and it is important to take the time to clear away what is outdated, out grown or simply no use to us anymore.

Here are a few reasons this is so important:

  • The process makes room for more appropriate things in our life, be it an object or opportunities.
  • Feels good
  • Strengthens your resolve to keep achieving important goals and to be mindful of what you have and are grateful for
  • Keeps your “house in order”
  • Reveals issues or potential issues before they’re problems

I am one of the few that really enjoys cleaning and organizing; and I realize that most people do not relish this process, but keep in mind that even though it is most often physical and hard work – you cannot deny how good it feels to have your world clean, organized and ready for new and amazing opportunities.

“Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.”
~Doug Larson

What needs to be done to make room for the new in your life?
What can be cleaned up?


Trust like only the fool can…

Trusting By J. Goeller

How to trust as only The Fool can…

Deep abiding trust in yourself is essential for living a fulfilled life. So how does one trust? Well, it takes time. Trusting yourself is a relationship that you have to build, support, and nurture.

Trusting yourself means that you take actions, think thoughts and speak words that are in alignment with your values and needs.  And trust that what you want no matter how outside the realm of your imagination – it is achievable.

By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it.
The non-existence is whatever we have not sufficiently desired.
Nikos Kazantzakis – Poet, travel writer – Author of “Zorba the Greek”

Often times we do seemingly inconsequential things that serve to damage our trust in ourselves. For instance, how often do you tell yourself you’re going to do something and you don’t? How often do you make yourself a promise and then blow it off? These actions though they seem harmless build the expectation that you don’t follow through on your word. So when it becomes important to have this strength, you don’t.

Eighty percent of success is just showing up.
Woody Allen

So when you are making an agreement with yourself or to another person, slow down, consider what you are agreeing to and above all check out if you can truly agree to it. If you can’t and you know it – don’t; and if you can – then do your best to make sure you follow through on your agreement. This builds trust with yourself and others.

Another way to build trust with yourself is to get clear! Clarity about what you truly want usually makes most decisions fall into two categories, actions that help you get there and actions that don’t.

The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being
can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind.
William James – late 1800’s pioneering American psychologist and philosopher

In what way can you build more trust in yourself? Are you aware when you make agreements?

Building a Love Affair Part 2!!

Emergence by KMH

We have to learn to be our own best friends because
we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.
~Roderick Thorp, Rainbow Drive

My premise for writing about building a love affair with yourself is to help you discover and practice unconditional love. Loving yourself or anyone else is not a singular act. You don’t love yourself or another and never practice that love. It is a state of being in which you see yourself fully – all the things you love about yourself and your shortcomings – and choose to be forgiving and kind and committed to doing your best everyday – every moment.

The things we hate about ourselves
aren’t more real than things we like about ourselves.
~Ellen Goodman

OK… on with the wheel!

Health: How is your health? This one can be hard to look at because, well, it relates directly to our mortality. Without a baseline of general health it is difficult to focus on anything else. Even if you are a healthy person; health is something to be maintained, and like everything else is an ongoing work in progress. What are you doing to get back in shape or maintain your health? Is there anything you are avoiding taking care of? What do you consider healthy? Taking care of yourself can be a hard habit to get into but it is absolutely worth your time and energy.

Recently I saw on a health show a woman talking about ways to motivate yourself to exercise; she had an idea I really liked. She suggested downloading books you really want to read on an iPod (or CD) and only listening to it when you work out. This motivates you to keep working out if you want to hear more of the story.

Money: Money issues can be just as hard to look at as health issues; in fact they are pretty closely linked considering the stress financial issues can create. How do you think about money? How do you manage money? Do you save money? Do you feel you deserve money? If you won the lottery, what would you do with it?

Many times have I fantasized about winning the lottery!! But here’s the thing, I know that I will do all the things I want to whether I win the lottery or not. I use it as a tool to dream big and think about all the things I would do. But I also look at my life, my future and my needs seriously and put a plan together that is responsible, sensible, and long term.

Physical environment: Does your physical environment provide the basic needs? Do you have a place a place for quite, for creativity for work and to concentrate? Does it reflect your personality? Do you feel safe? Our physical environments often reflect us, and on the flip side our environment can help to bring out particular characteristics. Physical environments include your home, city, state and car. Look around at your environment, anything need a cleaning, remake or to go to Goodwill?

For example as a little girl I loved the paint chips at the paint store!! I loved collecting all the fantastic colors; it was so amazing to see them all together. I had no idea what I would do with them, and it didn’t matter because having them and seeing them made me very happy! As an adult I find it very satisfying to decorate my house and to create different environments with color.

Family: Some people have a family that is supportive others have a family that they would like to be as far away form as possible. But either way your family is where you come from. No matter how great or bad family life is – or was – we all have roots that we are recovering from. We all grew up with values that we learned, behaviors that we emulate and as adults we learn which values are truly important to us and worth keeping and which ones we outgrow for values that are more in alignment with our lives. What are the values you learned? What values are still important to you? Which belief systems have you out grown? Which beliefs do you still need to evaluate closer?

It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.
~Author Unknown

Significant Other: Since this category is very important but not focused totally on you let’s use it to list the things that you really love about your relationship.

This may all sound like too much work, an exhausting endeavor. But the love you build begins to fill your life with more; more energy, more compassion, more patience and more love. Maybe you have experienced moments of this, when everything seems to be in place, just right and easy. Jung calls it serendipity. I love this feeling and I had to come to the realization that more often than not I experience it in moments and waves not as a permanent state of being – which I would guess is what is called enlightenment.

When you begin to see the cycles of life it takes tremendous pressure off of you to meet some impossible task of being perfect. BE PATIENT, see that just because you have a powerful insight and make positive change does not mean you won’t revisit hard places.

Going through these nine categories can often bring up difficult feelings, judgments and old issues you thought were gone. Give yourself the permission to feel whatever comes up; and let it go.

Never dull your shine for somebody else.
~Tyra Banks


You deserve fulfillment!!

Sunrise in Hua HIn Thailand

“If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll end up somewhere else.”
– Anonymous

If you don’t have a clear picture of what you are working towards, chances are you won’t get there. Here is a way to start, consider the following categories (in no particular order): Fun and recreation, career, health, money, physical environment, family, friends, significant other, growth and development. Do you feel great about all of them, are there ones that need some attention, have you forgotten what some of them are? As a coach I ask that my clients get very clear about ALL of these categories because it allows you to have a clear and detailed picture of your life right now, and where you want it to go; the first steps of your map. Although you may have certain categories that you’d like to focus on or that seem more urgent – they are all important when it comes to your over-all quality of life and ability to be fulfilled.

“What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?”
Robert Schuller – Pastor

This is a chance to dream big AND to live big! As you contemplate and really think about these categories you should be thinking not about what you would settle for but what you’d like life to look like if money and time were of no concern. Doing this gets you out of the limits we normally set on ourselves.

Get detailed, very detailed, the more detail the better. Not just that you’d like to go back to school and become a teacher but that you’d like to teach Contemporary History at Santa Fe high to seniors. Not that you’d like to lose 15 – 150 pounds, but that you’d like to feel better walking up the stairs, fit into your favorite red dress and eat without thinking about it ending up on your thighs.

The details give you direction and motivation and clues to building a plan to reach your goals, to be fulfilled. This is just one tool; but it’s a fun one! Think big, take your time, and let yourself sit with each category for a few hours, days – a week. Then write it down.

While you are thinking about all of this – be aware of the voice that tells you to not be ridiculous, that you don’t deserve that or that you are crazy for ever thinking that. This voice is something we all hear and have to deal with. Don’t worry about it. Just keep dreaming big and aiming high, we’ll get to that voice later.

In the meantime I’d like to share one of my favorite poems; I hope you find it as inspiring as I do.

The Journey – by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice –
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt and old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations –
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice,
which you slowly
recognized as your own
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do –
determined to save
the only life you could save.

Are you ready to have the life you want? Are you starting to see a clear picture of it?



Catching a Star

What is Fulfillment?

As defined by Webster’s dictionary (or whatever dictionary my Mac uses on the dashboard) fulfillment is: satisfaction or happiness as a result of fully developing one’s abilities or character. The achievement of something desired, promised, or predicted.

For me this definition implies that fulfillment is not an absolute or permanent state of being but rather that it is developed and maintained, and achieved – again and again over time.

One major goal of coaching is to help people live a fulfilled life. Self fulfillment is self-actualization.

To be in a state of fulfillment requires that we know with some degree of clarity what we really want. Knowing want we want requires that we have an understanding of our deepest needs and values.  What we deeply want is not material objects but rather; what is the dominant state of being that we would like to live in; contentment, peace of mind, hope, enthusiasm?

“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is in reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.”
Margret Young – Popular singer and comedienne in the 1920’s

Although self-actualization was originally coined by Kurt Goldstein an organismic theorist in the 1930’s it was brought to the main stream public by Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.  As defined by Maslow; self-actualization is

“…the desire for self-fulfillment, namely the tendency for him [the individual] to become actualized in what he is potentially. This tendency might be phrased as the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming.”

There were also characteristics that stood out to Maslow that seem to be part of the make-up of people who achieved actualization: the ability to embrace reality and facts rather than denying truth, spontaneity, being ‘focused on problems outside themselves’. They ‘can accept their own human nature in the stoic style, with all its shortcomings’, similarly acceptant of others. They generally lack prejudice, are independent, have a tendency to form few but deep friendships. They have a “philosophical” sense of humor, a tendency to resist outside pressures and a general transcendence of the environment rather than “coping” with it.

Now this is not to say that if you do not have these characteristics that you cannot achieve self-actualization but that these can be seen as a road map to fulfillment.

Coaches have developed a multitude of tools that help one to hone in on what parts of the map need to be filled in, understood and fleshed out in order to be on your path to fulfillment. We will explore some of these tools next week.

This is a process that is about the ability to recognize and develop parts of ourselves which allow us to make the best of a situation and see ourselves through to the life we want to live.

“If you can dream it, you can do it.”
Walt Disney

What is it you most want? What are your deepest needs and values?


Welcome!! What is Coaching?

Ayutya Buddha - Kelly M. Hill

Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.
– Helen Keller

This blog is about Coaching:

What it is, how it works, and what its benefits are in the context of specific concepts. Each month I have chosen a specific concept to focus on (the concepts are listed on the calendar side bar). Each week I will post, my own thoughts, great quotes and information regarding coaching as it relates to that core concept.  My hope is that through the exercise of writing regularly about important concepts in my own life; I can offer new insights and interesting perspectives to others that they may shift their own lives in positive, profound and new ways.


What is Coaching??

“I never cease to be amazed at the power of the coaching process to draw out the skills or talent that was previously hidden within an individual, and which invariably finds a way to solve a problem previously thought unsolvable.” –John Russell, Managing Director, Harley-Davidson Europe Ltd.

Coaching in its most basic form is helping to get a client from potential to achievement. Very much like a more common definition of an athletic coach, a professional or personal coach takes the position of recognizing your innate abilities, helps you define, master and strengthen those abilities and skills and then helps, supports and keeps you focused so you can achieve your defined goals.

Coaching is appropriate for professionals looking for a new edge, wanting to grow, wanting to re-energize their livelihood or wanting to find a deeper connection to the work they do.  It is appropriate for individuals looking to start a new career, new business, new life direction, self development or wanting to find deeper meaning in life in general.

Coaching is NOT therapy or consulting. Coaching is a co-created partnership which relies on the client’s willingness, abilities and strength to take full responsibility for the future they want. A coach can offer support and a variety of tools to get there but it is in the hands of the client to actualize their potential.


“Once used to bolster troubled staffers, coaching now is part of the standard leadership development training for elite executives and talented up-and-comers at IBM, Motorola, J.P. Morgan, Chase, and Hewlett Packard.  These companies are discreetly giving their best prospects what star athletes have long had:  a trusted adviser to help reach their goals.”  —

Question of the week:

What is fulfillment, it is attainable, and how do I get there?