Spring Cleaning the soul!

Mother Earth Spring Cleaning! By KMH

The delicate green of new life will not be denied; the growth is going to happen no matter what… life will not be stopped!

Success isn’t a result of spontaneous combustion.  You must set yourself on fire.  ~Arnold H. Glasow

This all relates to coaching in that often times we are so focused on the future and achieving those important goals that we forget about our present situation and the importance of keeping it in good shape; be it our mind, body, home, environment or finances.  We can only do what our present moment allows, and making smart choices in the present that will effect how our future unfolds.

The important thing is to strive towards a goal, which is not immediately visible.  That goal is not the concern of the mind, but of the spirit.
~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Take a look around at your world it is up to you to make it a rich and supportive place to act from.

Go through the closets, the clothes, and the drawers – what doesn’t fit anymore, or is old, getting raggedy, isn’t you?

Go through the medicine cabinets, what’s expired, dried up or empty?

Go through the refrigerator, what’s growing of it’s own accord, old, sticky or stale?

Go through your checkbook, the saving accounts, and the 5-year plan; what need your attention, a change of perspective, and influx of life?

Go through the garage, and the attic or basement; what’s taking up space that you don’t need, care about or want. Are there things you can donate, give to a friend, or sell on e-bay?

Go through your yard and the garden, what needs new soil, to be weeded, or to be planted anew?

“I think that no matter how old or infirm I may become, I will always plant a large garden in the spring.  Who can resist the feelings of hope and joy that one gets from participating in nature’s rebirth?”
~Edward Giobb

Go through your wishes and dreams and plans and goals, what have you not been paying attention to, feeding or opening your heart to?

QUESTION:
What can you clean out to make room for more of you?

Blooming!!

Lilacs in Bloom By KMH

April is dedicated to beginnings.

“No matter how long the winter, spring is sure to follow.”
~Proverb

Even though the Spring Equinox is in March, a least where I am, it does not start to feel like spring until May.  Now is when a real sense of coming to life and blooming starts to happen!

When the weather is warming up and the winter layers are coming off our thoughts turn to the world outside – spending time outside, how we look outside, projects on our homes, in our yards. We become more social, more active, and more outward.

The term spring-cleaning relates to not just our home, but also our attitudes, our plans for the future and our outlook on life.  As our life unfolds our vision of the future shifts and changes and it is important to take the time to clear away what is outdated, out grown or simply no use to us anymore.

Here are a few reasons this is so important:

• The process makes room for more appropriate things in our life, be it an object or opportunities.

• Feels good

• Strengthens your resolve to keep achieving important goals and to be mindful of what you have and are grateful for

• Keeps your “house in order”

• Reveals issues or potential issues before they’re problems

I am one of the few that really enjoys cleaning and organizing; and I realize that most people do not relish this process, but keep in mind that even though it is most often physical and hard work – you cannot deny how good it feels to have your world clean, organized and ready for new and amazing opportunities.

“Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.”
~Doug Larson

QUESTION OF THE WEEK:
What needs to be done to make room for the new in your life?
What can be cleaned up?

Trust like only the fool can…

Trusting By J. Goeller

How to trust as only The Fool can…

Deep abiding trust in yourself is essential for living a fulfilled life. So how does one trust? Well, it takes time. Trusting yourself is a relationship that you have to build, support, and nurture.

Trusting yourself means that you take actions, think thoughts and speak words that are in alignment with your values and needs.  And trust that what you want no matter how outside the realm of your imagination – it is achievable.

By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it.
The non-existence is whatever we have not sufficiently desired.
Nikos Kazantzakis – Poet, travel writer – Author of “Zorba the Greek”

Often times we do seemingly inconsequential things that serve to damage our trust in ourselves. For instance, how often do you tell yourself you’re going to do something and you don’t? How often do you make yourself a promise and then blow it off? These actions though they seem harmless build the expectation that you don’t follow through on your word. So when it becomes important to have this strength, you don’t.

Eighty percent of success is just showing up.
Woody Allen

So when you are making an agreement with yourself or to another person, slow down, consider what you are agreeing to and above all check out if you can truly agree to it. If you can’t and you know it – don’t; and if you can – then do your best to make sure you follow through on your agreement. This builds trust with yourself and others.

Another way to build trust with yourself is to get clear! Clarity about what you truly want usually makes most decisions fall into two categories, actions that help you get there and actions that don’t.

The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being
can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind.
William James – late 1800’s pioneering American psychologist and philosopher

QUESTIONS OF THE WEEK:
In what way can you build more trust in yourself? Are you aware when you make agreements?

Fool or Foolish?

Me on my precipice! Greece 2009 By KMH

“Chance is the fool‘s name for Fate”
Fred Astaire

The fool can bring to mind lots of images both positive and negative, which begs the distinction between the archetypal fool and being foolish.

“Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.”
William Shakespeare

In coaching as we journey toward the life we want and the fulfillment we deserve there are risks to be taken and leaps of faith to be made.

Weather it be at the moment that you must write (or not write) the check for a new office lease or take (or not take) the job offer in another country, say yes (or no) to a marriage proposal or take (or not take) the opportunity to study with a well known violinist; there are pivotal choices we make that change the direction of our path.

“To the wise, life is a problem; to the fool, a solution”
Marcus Aurelius

The Fool has the characteristics of doing these things not out of abandon or recklessness but from a posture of having followed his/her intuition closely and deep trust. Consider the image of the fool in our culture:

The fool in a deck of cards is the “ jokers wild card” it allows your next move to be outside the normal rules of play – thus allowing you to turn the tide of the game in your favor, or to stymie your opponent.

The fool as in the “jester of the court” of a king was an important person. Though he did function as entertainer and magician he was a stealthy tool for the King in that because of his status and knowledge of the castle he could go anywhere openly and more than likely had intimate knowledge of the workings of the castle and the people in it.  For a king he would be invaluable counsel.

The fool in the Tarot is often a young person seen traveling and seemingly about to take a step off the steep precipice.  He radiates a “crazy wisdom” and glowing and being at ease in the world.  This card is the number 0 in the deck and symbolizes that he can become anything.

QUESTIONS OF THE WEEK:
Are you being foolish in your life anywhere?  Can you see places in your life that could benefit from trusting more?  Where could you use a “wild card” in your life?

 

Here’s to the Fool’s!!

Fools!! By KMH

This month is dedicated to the Fool! The fool is an archetypal image that symbolizes many things including free spirit, incredible trust, taking leaps of faith and marching to your own beat.

“The secret to life is to have a task, something you devote your entire life to… and the most important thing is – it must be something you cannot possibly do!”
~ Henry Moore – English sculptor and artist

In many ways the fool can be seen as an innocent mind open to being lead by a benevolent universe. When it comes to coaching I think the fool can be used as a powerful tool to bring out, capitalize and nurture parts of your personality that may not get much attention, but are important and critical aspects to creating the life you want.

What parts of you are innocent – meaning filled with child-like wonder, curiosity and in-the moment awareness? What parts of you are free spirited and able to take leaps of faith? What parts of you are able to freely trust and do your own thing when others are following “the way it’s always been”?

“What we need are more people who specialize in the impossible.”
Theodore Roethke – American Poet

The fool is a part of you that says; I’ve never tried it but I’ll give it a shot. If you are to accomplish the life you want, more than likely it will involve trying some new things, going out on a limb, taking some risk, believing in yourself – that you can reach a goal bigger than you.

You can do it!!

QUESTIONS OF THE WEEK:
This week find that child-like wonder about the world, your everyday life. What can you look at in a new way? How can you trust yourself even more that you are on the right path to life you deserve?

 

Somewhere over the Rainbow!

Beautiful! by KMH

Last week being St Patty’s day brought to mind all of the other images that go along with the luck of the Irish. Pot’s of gold, rainbows and leprechauns. The gold and rainbows especially brought to mind the parallels to searching for your purpose, goal or calling in life.

Rainbows are elusive and fleeting, we can see them under certain circumstances and as those circumstances change it vanishes. Two people do not see the same rainbow and we can only see it with our backs to the sun. And the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow as you learn the reality of what a rainbow is becomes something one can never get to let alone possess.

“The appearances of things change according to the emotions, and thus we see magic and beauty in them, while the magic and beauty are really in ourselves.”  Kahlil Gibran

On a symbolic level I find this an interesting and meaningful metaphor in coaching. We set our goals; intuit our purpose or calling and then the path there seems to vanish under certain circumstances. Only when we turn our backs to the sun – symbolically embracing our shadow -does the rainbow appear bright and tangible. The gold for which we long is our own transformation or alchemical change into the valued treasure we are.

“Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.” The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

Embracing your shadow is to accept and acknowledge your shortcomings and self perceived negative attributes, something I keep mentioning. Doing this makes you more compassionate towards yourself and others. It makes you aware of your own complexity and your humanity.

“I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly,
acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.”
Agatha Christie

So harking back to last week’s comments about setting a goal and then letting go of how you get there, give it a try this week. Start simple. Tell yourself what you want to accomplish and let yourself be open to how to get there, do things you don’t normally do, make a point to think outside your box.

“Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.”  Dale E. Turner

 

Feeling Lucky?!

Thai Dragon with lucky ball inside By KMH

Are you a lucky person?

“Go and wake up your luck.”
Persian Saying

There is a lot written about luck and how to create more of it in your life. There also seems to be some traits among people who consider themselves to be lucky. They tend to be flexible, open-mined, positive and resilient. They know that not very chance or risk taken will turn out perfectly, but they take it and move on.

Last week I posted a quote that serendipity tends to favor people who have a clear picture of their goal but are not attached to how they get there. This can allow for creative and unusual ways for plans to unfold, and for serendipity, synchronicity or luck to happen.

So as you get more and more clear about what you want in life, be conscious of the fact that attaining that goal can take a multitude of paths. The idea of having a map and a clear vision of the future serves to keep your eyes on the big picture on the primary goal.

So take some time to evaluate your set of skills regarding luck.

Flexibility; this can be hard to cultivate as we tend to become rigid not only regarding the out-come of things but also to our patterns of action and progress. Practice not being attached: if people change plans on you; let it go. If you thought you were going to have an important meeting you were looking forward to and it changes; let it go. The ability to be flexible not only lessens stress it keeps you creative with your time and energy. Having to switch gears in the middle of something or in the midst of momentum can make room for other opportunities, other directions or other meetings you may not have anticipated that could bring you something positive.

“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity”
Seneca – Roman philosopher

Do different things. Putting yourself out there to learn new things and meet different people can lead to new connections and discoveries of new interests. Check out unlikely avenues and possibilities. I recently found a new sight with very interesting articles about doing new things all the time, and in particular discovering new passions. Here is the link:

http://dosomethingcool.net/11-ways-discover-passions/

Resilience may be one of the most important factors not only in achieving your goals but in turning yourself into a lucky person. Being resilient means that your ability to bounce back from things that don’t go your way; or disappointments in risks taken builds your self-esteem, self trust and flexibility. Resiliency reminds you that to fail does not mean you are a failure.

“You may be disappointed if you fail, but you will be doomed if you don’t try.”
Beverly Sills – American Opera soprano 1960’s

QUESTION OF THE WEEK:
Can you become more flexible, more open-minded or more resilient?

 

What’s Luck Got To Do With It?

Luck Dragon! By KMH

Create your own luck!

March is dedicated to Luck. Often people seek out a coach because they need help navigating through tough times, transition or need help getting going. In these times what we most want is … an opportunity.  This opportunity can come to people in many different ways, some of them seemingly out-of-the blue, or by sheer luck!

“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.”
Milton Berle

For me luck can also be serendipity, synchronicity or chance, and this is how Wikipedia defines them:

Luck or fortuity is good or bad fortune in life caused by accident or chance, and attributed by some to reasons of faith or superstition, which happens beyond a person’s control.

Serendipity denotes the property of making fortunate discoveries while looking for something unrelated, or the occurrence of such a discovery during such a search.

Synchronicity is the experience of two or more events, that are apparently causally unrelated or unlikely to occur together by chance, that are observed to occur together in a meaningful manner.

I find all of these phenomenons fascinating and relevant to coaching because they seem to happen with more frequency when one is in alignment with a path they feel certainly and passionate about.

This week I encourage you to think about the opportunities you’d like to have, and the chances you’d like to be given that would make a difference in your life. There is a lot to be said for the so-called happenstance occurrences in life and what one reads into them.

“Serendipity smiles upon people who have a more relaxed approach to life…. Once they’ve pinpointed the ultimate destination, they believe there are many different ways to get there. This requires openness to life’s surprising twists and turns as well as cognitive and behavioral flexibility.”
Rebecca Webber

This month we will explore how to create luck, and how to feel like a lucky person.

QUESTIONS FOR THE WEEK:

Do you believe in luck? When were times in your life when things just fell into place? Do you believe you can create luck?

 

Building a Love Affair Part 2!!

Emergence by KMH

We have to learn to be our own best friends because
we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.
~Roderick Thorp, Rainbow Drive

My premise for writing about building a love affair with yourself is to help you discover and practice unconditional love. Loving yourself or anyone else is not a singular act. You don’t love yourself or another and never practice that love. It is a state of being in which you see yourself fully – all the things you love about yourself and your shortcomings – and choose to be forgiving and kind and committed to doing your best everyday – every moment.

The things we hate about ourselves
aren’t more real than things we like about ourselves.
~Ellen Goodman

OK… on with the wheel!

Health: How is your health? This one can be hard to look at because, well, it relates directly to our mortality. Without a baseline of general health it is difficult to focus on anything else. Even if you are a healthy person; health is something to be maintained, and like everything else is an ongoing work in progress. What are you doing to get back in shape or maintain your health? Is there anything you are avoiding taking care of? What do you consider healthy? Taking care of yourself can be a hard habit to get into but it is absolutely worth your time and energy.

Recently I saw on a health show a woman talking about ways to motivate yourself to exercise; she had an idea I really liked. She suggested downloading books you really want to read on an iPod (or CD) and only listening to it when you work out. This motivates you to keep working out if you want to hear more of the story.

Money: Money issues can be just as hard to look at as health issues; in fact they are pretty closely linked considering the stress financial issues can create. How do you think about money? How do you manage money? Do you save money? Do you feel you deserve money? If you won the lottery, what would you do with it?

Many times have I fantasized about winning the lottery!! But here’s the thing, I know that I will do all the things I want to whether I win the lottery or not. I use it as a tool to dream big and think about all the things I would do. But I also look at my life, my future and my needs seriously and put a plan together that is responsible, sensible, and long term.

Physical environment: Does your physical environment provide the basic needs? Do you have a place a place for quite, for creativity for work and to concentrate? Does it reflect your personality? Do you feel safe? Our physical environments often reflect us, and on the flip side our environment can help to bring out particular characteristics. Physical environments include your home, city, state and car. Look around at your environment, anything need a cleaning, remake or to go to Goodwill?

For example as a little girl I loved the paint chips at the paint store!! I loved collecting all the fantastic colors; it was so amazing to see them all together. I had no idea what I would do with them, and it didn’t matter because having them and seeing them made me very happy! As an adult I find it very satisfying to decorate my house and to create different environments with color.

Family: Some people have a family that is supportive others have a family that they would like to be as far away form as possible. But either way your family is where you come from. No matter how great or bad family life is – or was – we all have roots that we are recovering from. We all grew up with values that we learned, behaviors that we emulate and as adults we learn which values are truly important to us and worth keeping and which ones we outgrow for values that are more in alignment with our lives. What are the values you learned? What values are still important to you? Which belief systems have you out grown? Which beliefs do you still need to evaluate closer?

It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.
~Author Unknown

Significant Other: Since this category is very important but not focused totally on you let’s use it to list the things that you really love about your relationship.

This may all sound like too much work, an exhausting endeavor. But the love you build begins to fill your life with more; more energy, more compassion, more patience and more love. Maybe you have experienced moments of this, when everything seems to be in place, just right and easy. Jung calls it serendipity. I love this feeling and I had to come to the realization that more often than not I experience it in moments and waves not as a permanent state of being – which I would guess is what is called enlightenment.

When you begin to see the cycles of life it takes tremendous pressure off of you to meet some impossible task of being perfect. BE PATIENT, see that just because you have a powerful insight and make positive change does not mean you won’t revisit hard places.

Going through these nine categories can often bring up difficult feelings, judgments and old issues you thought were gone. Give yourself the permission to feel whatever comes up; and let it go.

Never dull your shine for somebody else.
~Tyra Banks

 

Building a Love Affair – Part 1

The Mosaic of you... by KMH Sagrada Familia, Barcelona

A love affair with yourself, what would it look like? A relationship of any kind with anyone is made up of so many things, but often a few things stand out.  The way they smile at you, how they hold your hand, their laugh, or their eyes. Also attributes that you don’t think you have so you see it in them: their self confidence, humor, ability to see the bright side of a situation or being strong in places you feel doubtful. Discover these things about yourself; if you’re having a hard time ask some trusted friends about the things they love about you; anything to start to see the wonderful things about yourself.

When the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it may be that they take better care of it there.  ~Cecil Selig

As I have said before the categories on the Wheel of Life can be an amazing tool for self-knowledge, self-improvement, building self-love and ultimately a basic start of a map to a fulfilling life. I’m going to go through each category and give you some questions to get the flow going. Play with this – take your time;

Time is of absolutely no consequence when you are doing the healing work directed toward inner growth.
~ Iyanla Vanzant

 

Fun and Recreation: Can you remember what you really liked doing as a child, in high school, in college?  Can you remember the things that made you lose track of time? Can you recall activities that you looked forward to? What are some things that you’d like to do in your life now but keep making excuses to not do? Nothing here is insignificant, all of these memories are clues to things that bring you joy.

I used to love to make mix tapes on my stereo, and rearrange my room. I would shut the door and spend hours doing this. Now as an adult I still love music and I try to make time to make mixes for friends and family, and I still rearrange things in my house! It’s my form of creativity and giving myself important time.

 

Friends: Who are your close friends right now? Do your friends support you unconditionally? Do you make time to do things with your friends? Are you open to making new friends? Do you participate in a girls/guys night? Does your significant other know your friends?

I don’t have a huge amount of friends and an average amount of acquaintances but I do have a very small group of very close friends that I would trust with my life. I don’t spend the kind of time I’d like to with them so recently I’ve decided to start a book club. Who knows who will join, not important; it’s the act of creating time to spend with people I like.

I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy. Let’s face it; friends make life a lot more fun.
~ Charles R. Swindoll

Growth and Development: What do you do for yourself that promotes personal growth and personal development? When was the last time you read a good book? Took a continuing education class, attended a workshop, tended a flower or vegetable garden?  Personal development is so important, it is your way of continuing to support yourself and continuing to discover new and wonderful things about yourself.

I have wanted to be more involved with photography for longer that I’d like to admit. So this summer I am going to finally take a photography class at the community college. Sometimes it is hard to find time to do these kinds of things, but I promise you it is time worth spending on yourself.

Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie
which we ascribe to heaven.
~William Shakespeare, All’s Well That Ends Well

Career: This is another good one to go back to your youngest years. What did you want to be “when you grew up”, back in elementary school, high school and college? Were there classes, topics or activities you loved?  Is there information you’re particularly good at (like remembering names, numbers, formulas, associations, or being exceptional organized, creative or motivating)? And  – like the fun and recreation category – is there something you like doing that you lose track of time doing? We spend a lot of our life working don’t you feel it’s something you should enjoy?

For example, I can remember a class in college that we were supposed to pick something we really loved doing and then try to turn it into a career. So many people had very specific things like cooking, math, graphic design, helping people (i.e. a doctor)… I picked talking! I was embarrassed actually because it seemed to general a quality and frankly not very creative and I really had no idea how to make it into a career (neither did anyone else in the class). But now as a coach and a mediator it is more than obvious that I use that skill every day and in very important ways to accomplish my job, and I love it.

“People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing.”
– Dale Carnegie

Everyday is another opportunity to grow, to love yourself and others more.  We forget how precious life is, with so much going on in our lives. Our stress grows and we feel out of control and we think that by getting love from others, we will feel more love for ourselves, but this is backwards, only through loving our selves will we get all the love we will ever need from those around us.

Searching is half the fun: life is much more manageable when thought of as a scavenger hunt as opposed to a surprise party.
~ Jimmy Buffett

 

NEXT WEEK:
Building a Love Affair Part 2